Encouraging Autonomy (Part 1)

I read through a parenting book chapter on encouraging autonomy. After all, that's one of the most important goals of raising little humans: they should be able to function on their own one day. How do we get there? By letting them solve their own problems and learn from mistakes. But that's easier said than done. 

"How could I let my children make mistakes and suffer failure when all they had to do was listen to me in the first place?"

As I watch my 14-month old daughter explore more of her world, I can see mistakes before they happen and constantly want to correct her:

"Carry the bucket by the handle, not the lid."

"Hold onto the door frame to step over the bump."

"Watch where you're going while you're walking."

If she would just listen to my infinite wisdom, she wouldn't drop the bucket, trip and fall over the door threshold, or walk into the side table. But that's not how she'll learn. The book chapter encouraged me to think about how I can encourage her autonomy. 

I resist the urge to jump in to solve her problems. As hard as it is to watch her struggle, she almost always figures things out. After a few bucket drops, she tried carrying it by the handle. Problem solved.

Since there is a lot she must do, I try to offer choices. While she must go upstairs to go to bed, I can give her the choice of how we get there. "Do you want to crawl up the stairs, or should I carry you?"

"To the child each small choice represents one more opportunity to exert some control over [her] own life. ... Very often that choice is enough to reduce [her] resentment."

I also thought about things I was doing for her that she might do herself. I realized that I didn't need to hand-feed her applesauce anymore - she was quite capable of using a spoon herself, even if it got a little messy. And this morning I tried handing her a tissue to wipe her nose. I was delighted that she touched it to her nose and handed it back to me! 

She may be small, but she's already becoming proficient with the Swiffer.

Bird trainer Adam Geltz wrote, "there are few things cooler in this life than animals and people succeeding and doing things confidently in ways that surprise you." That's one reason I love being a mom. It's amazing to see my daughter transform from a little larva into a person that can wipe her own nose. It's also why I enjoy training animals. Carson the Red-tailed Hawk used to run away from me. Now she confidently steps on my glove. 

Is encouraging autonomy also the key to caring for animals? How could child-rearing techniques apply to our birds? That's what I'll explore next week!

References:

Faber, Adele and Elaine Mazlish. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. 

Geltz, Adam. "What Does it Mean to Give an Animal a Voice?" IAATE The Flyer, Fall 2025.